


Yours, Forever and Always

by alainey



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Crimson Flower Route, Letters, Little bit of canon divergence, Love Confessions, Love Letters, M/M, Pining, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:20:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24941479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alainey/pseuds/alainey
Summary: Sylvain writes letters to a Felix that is no longer with him, then tucks them away and pretends that he didn't;Sylvain writes letters for 20 long years.
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Comments: 20
Kudos: 99
Collections: My Favorite Fics, Sylvix Remix 2020





	Yours, Forever and Always

**Author's Note:**

> A story told (mostly) through letters - this fic follows Sylvain and Felix's CF Route paired ending. It was written for a remix event on twitter, and I've included more details on that in my end note.
> 
> Personally, I think this one is a lot more fun if you read each letter out loud. It's not a necessity - just kind of fun and it was something I enjoyed doing myself (so cheers to you, if you do, too)!

_Dear Beloved,_

_The war is finally over._

_I know it has not been easy on either of us, least of all you, but I find myself grateful for the change it has brought to this world, and I do remain steadfast in my belief that it was necessary._

_You’re leaving tomorrow, and it’s strange to think that - after years of growing up together, attending the Academy, and fighting by your side - tomorrow you’ll be gone. I wonder, how long will it be until I see you again? Whenever you’ve left me before, I’ve remained comforted by the fact that I’ve always had some semblance of an answer._

_Will I see you again? Goddess, I hope that I will. But listening to the way that you speak, and knowing how desperately you yearn to put the past behind you?_

_I find myself uncertain that I ever will._

_I believe that you’re ready to leave me behind - alongside all memory of your brother, your father, the prince. I don’t desire to be left behind, but I know, all too well, that that’s what you’ve taught yourself to do._

_Would you stay with me, Felix Hugo Fraldarius, if I asked you to?_

_I know that it’s an unfair question, a selfish one to demand a new answer for: you’ve made your decision already, and your plans have already been set in motion._

_And yet. I find myself wanting to ask you anyway._

_I hope that the road treats you well, and I hope that you remember me fondly, as more than just an old, annoying friend._

_Yours, Forever and Always,  
Sylvain_

_\- -_

_Dear Beloved,_

_It’s been less than a month since you left - your eyes hard and your smile sad. You don’t know how often I’ve thought of you in these past few weeks, and I figure that you never will._

_I know that you don’t intend to return. You told me as such, when I asked when I might see you again. I can’t tell you how much that hurt, but I smiled and I laughed, just the same as I always did. And then I watched you walk away._

_Did you know that I would miss you? Did you think me foolish, when I stayed behind, watching you as you left?_

_I think you would have realized it, would have seen it on my face had I simply yelled goodbye like I’d wanted to. I think you would have realized, had you turned around and looked._

_But you didn’t, and I didn’t, and now I sit here, wondering what would have happened if I had._

_You once told me that you’d lost yourself during the war, and I have a feeling that what you’re doing now is reflective of that. Are you running away from your past self, or are you simply trying to find yourself again?_

_I don’t know for sure, but I hope that it’s the latter. And I hope that afterwards - if you ever do find what you’re looking for, out there - you might eventually make your way back to me._

_I hold out hope that you do, no matter how long it takes._

_Yours, Forever and Always,  
Sylvain_

_\- -_

_Dear Beloved,_

_It’s been a long time since I last wrote, and nearly a year since you left me._

_Time flies quickly, but you remain in my thoughts, no matter how many days may pass, and the image of your slowly retreating figure remains, forever burned, into the back of my mind._

_I’m not sure why I still write to you, knowing that you will never read the letters that I seal and stow away inside the back of my desk; but thinking of you brings comfort to me even when it hurts, and so I return to my pen, and find myself addressing letters to you, once again._

_I think you’d be happy to know that I’ve started speaking to someone about my issues. It’s been helpful for me, I think, though recalling memories of my father and brother are not things that I find myself particularly fond of doing. I’ve been doing my best to lay their memories to rest, and I’ve been told that it would be healthy to lay my memories of you to rest, too._

_I haven’t yet been able to, hence another letter, but perhaps one day, in the far off future, I might finally manage it._

_Another revelation I’ve had: this new world that we brought about? This future that Edelgard spoke of, dreamed of, rallied us around?_

_I find myself really liking it._

_I shouldn’t be surprised each time I think that, yet I always, inevitably, am: I’m relieved to find that I have yet to regret the decisions I made, back during the war, and I’m no longer guilty when I think about what it cost me. In many ways, I’ve come to realize that I’m truly happy._

_I’m working to uphold the ideals that I knew in my heart to be true, even back at the Academy, and although living as Margrave Gautier is about as slow as I’d expected it to be, I find that I don’t mind even the most monotonous of days. Edelgard says that I’ve been doing well, and I find myself believing her. I’m content these days, working to improve the state of Fódlan’s North - even as the cold of winter begins to settle in, just as sharp and clear as it was on the day that you left._

_As of now, I am considering devoting my efforts towards mending our relations with the people of Sreng. It’s something I’ve thought about for some time now, even before you left, and in this way, I hope that I might bring about even more change in my lifetime than I already have._

_So, I suppose I’m doing well._

_And I hope that you are, too._

_Because, try as I might, I still find myself thinking of you._

_Yours, Forever and Always,  
Sylvain_

_\- -_

_Dear Beloved,_

_I caught wind of you the other day, when Dorothea stopped by to visit._

_So, you really did go off to live the life of a sword-for-hire? I find myself unsurprised, yet still inexplicably sad._

_Five years have passed since we last spoke; five years since I last saw you._

_Are you well?_

_I hope that you are. I hope that life on the road has treated you better than life as Margrave has treated me. I still love my work, please don’t misunderstand - yet I feel myself growing older and older by the day, my attention stretched thin as my work with Sreng continues to draw out. Slowly, but surely, I know we have been making progress with them, yet centuries of militaristic attention from the Kingdom has certainly taken its toll on the land and its people, and change is slow to form. I’m sure we’ll make a breakthrough though, eventually._

_When Dorothea told me of you, I couldn’t help but wonder what it might have been like - had I left with you, too._

_Would I be happier, at the age I am now? Would the state of Fódlan have been worse off, without me? Or, perhaps, would someone else have been doing the same work that I do now - only better, and with more competency?_

_More importantly, I find myself asking: even if I had wanted to leave, would you have let me go with you?_

_These are the questions that, every so often, spiral throughout my mind. But I know that I’ll never be able to answer them, for you are not here, and I know that there is no way to rewrite time._

_I’ve learned, through addressing my past, about how to let things go. I’ve let my brother go, and I’ve let my father go, too. It’s difficult for me to let these questions go, but even Dorothea tells me it’s for the best that to learn to forget you._

_She might be right, but I don’t think I could do it, even if I wanted to._

_Yours, Forever and Always,  
Sylvain_

_\- -_

_Dear Beloved,_

_The older I get, the more certain I am that I once loved you._

_I sit here, tired and old, with far too much wine in me to think happily upon my youth, and so I think of you and wonder what you might be doing - right now, out and about on your own._

_It’s strange to think that an entire decade has passed since I last spoke to you, last looked upon your face. I recognize that I’m no longer the man I once was. And, certainly, I doubt that you are, either._

_But I wonder, do you still hate yourself - the same way that you once did?_

_You changed so much throughout the war, and changed even more, after it. You felt, almost, like a different person. But I didn’t hate you then, and I still don’t, now._

_I don’t hate myself any longer, either. It was painful to realize that I did, and even more painful to address the reasons why. But a decade has passed, and I can live with myself now, much more than I ever used to._

_Did you hate me, back then? And if so, do you still? I figure you probably did hate me, back when we were young. Especially if I myself did. But I’ve learned to reflect since then, even if you don’t know it, and so I hope that you’ve learned to love my memory, the same way I’ve learned to love yours._

_My advisors tell me that it’s more than time for me to settle down and take a wife._

_There is nothing I want less in this world, and though they know that to be the case, they still advise me to do it - regardless. I know that they do not care about the passing of my crest - I’ve chosen advisors that I know, do not - yet, as Margrave, producing a heir, any heir at all, is still to be expected._

_Perhaps, I shall simply adopt._

_Truly - is this what loneliness feels like? I miss you more than ever, I think about you all the time, and I think, too, that I have had more than enough wine for tonight._

_Yours, Forever and Always,  
Sylvain_

_\- -_

_Dear Beloved,_

_I think about you less, these days, if only because the wounds that were once raw have slowly healed over and become tolerable._

_To my delight, relations with Sreng have improved, to the point where I feel comfortable with the work that I have done. I have visited Edelgard many times over the past few years, and I have come to think of her as more of a friend than I expected I ever would. She has been working hard to bring about the future that we live in, today, and it brings me joy to think that I myself am doing the same._

_In twenty years, I have learned much about myself and those around me. Yet you, who I have not seen since that day, are the only one who remains stagnant in my mind. My understanding of who you once were has changed slowly over time, but I have no basis for who you might be now._

_This leads me to think of you only in a past tense, despite knowing that you are likely still out there, right now, living the life that you’ve chosen for yourself._

_As it stands, my understanding of our relationship before you left still leaves me nostalgic for a future that might have been (but never was). I still wonder how things might have turned out, had I stopped you from leaving, back when I had wished to._

_It’s one of those questions I thought I’d laid to rest, yet here I am, after twenty long years, asking it, still the same._

_I think I may have to accept that I will never stop loving you, nor will I ever stop asking myself what might have been, had I simply let you know._

_Yours, Forever and Always,  
Sylvain_

_\- -_

_Dear Beloved,_

_I saw you again for the first time in two decades, in town - earlier this morning._

_And it pains me to say, but I'd almost forgotten how beautiful you are._

_I certainly remember, now._

_How can it be so long since the last time I’d seen you, yet still feel like just yesterday that I bid you goodbye? It is still one of my greatest regrets that I did not push harder for you to stay; but perhaps, this is the Goddess giving me one last chance._

_You were offering your services to people in the city, and so I found you, and accepted. You didn’t seem terribly surprised to see me, and I couldn’t help but hope that you may have been here, solely for the sake of wanting to._

_These past few days with you have been like something out of a dream. Seeing you, speaking with you, existing with you in a capacity that is no longer imagined, no longer in the past? I would never have expected it to happen, yet here you are._

_And yet, I still find myself missing the person who you once were, before the war, as it hurts to see you as you are, now: your soul cracked and broken, yet patched over and rebuilt over years of living on your own. You’ve been running for so long, away and away towards this version of yourself that you desperately want to be, and I can’t help but wonder if that running has led you back to me._

_Is that egotistical? Most definitely, I think._

_But as I find myself falling in love with you all over again, I find it harder to convince myself that destiny hasn’t led you back for a reason. No matter how old and worn your soul may be, it’s still the soul that belongs to you, and that’s more than enough for me._

_Yours, Forever and Always,  
Sylvain_

_\- -_

_Dear Beloved,_

_You’re planning to leave again._

_And I think I may have broken, just a little bit, when you’d told me that you were._

_Am I not enough for you? Or do I remind you, too much, of your past?_

_I’ve been careful not to push you, not to speak too heavily of the things that I know you don’t want to hear. Should I have pushed harder? Should I have not spoken of those things at all?_

_You’re leaving me in two days, returning to a life of finding yourself in a place that does not include me, and I find myself in the same state that I was twenty years prior - back when you told me you were leaving, for the very first time._

_I have never been good at speaking to you, have never known exactly what to say. Our relationship used to be so strained, and perhaps it still is, despite how comfortably I feel we’ve been speaking now._

_Am I simply blinded by love? I’ve been told, in the past, that I am wont to be._

_But, I suppose these next couple days are the last days with you that I might ever get. And as we continue to grow old and my feelings for you refuse to fade, I hope that I remember fondly this last chance that I have been given to say goodbye, this final piece of myself that I might finally be able to lay to rest._

_Will I be able to handle you leaving me again?_

_Perhaps not, I think - but I figure I’ll have to deal with it, anyway._

_Yours, Forever and Always,  
Sylvain_

_\- -_

_Dear Beloved,_

_You found my letters today. How you managed to find them, I cannot begin to imagine. However, you came into my room, opened letters in hand, demanding an explanation, and so I hope that you remember, forever and always, the explanation that I give you now:_

_I love you, and I have always loved you._

_But I have never been good with words._

_I believe that this may be my last letter to you. Not because I love you any less, but because I hope, from the depths of my heart, that I will no longer need to write them._

_Perhaps it’s too late. Perhaps I have waited too long. Or perhaps I have misread the tears that fell from your face as you read that I love you._

_But I know that these were the words that I wished to say so many years ago, even if I didn’t know them at the time, and now that I might finally start trying to use my words, I hope that you might take the time to listen._

_Please, stay with me, Felix Hugo Fraldarius._

_For I love you, and I wish to remain by your side for as long as you might let me._

_Yours, Forever and Always,  
Sylvain_

_\- -_

"You're dramatic," Felix says, quietly, one hand over his mouth as Sylvain sets down his pen.

"I love you, and I have always loved you," Sylvain replies, just as quiet. "But I have never been good with words."

And so Felix kisses him - soft and slow and careful as he cradles Sylvain's head in his hands - and breathes back:

"I've never been good with them, either."

**Author's Note:**

> This is a remixed fic for [@Ah_Hei_HuaHua](https://twitter.com/Ah_Hei_HuaHua), based on one of their own concepts for another work (originally drawn for jjba, [which can be found here](https://twitter.com/Ah_Hei_HuaHua/status/1268610219736657920)). 
> 
> Ah_Hei_HuaHua - this fic kind of ran away with me. I was originally going to stick to a diary-style confession, then that turned into letters, and then that turned into a set of love letters written over the course of 20 years, set in Sylvain and Felix's CF shared ending. Some very large liberties taken with your concept, but I really hope that you enjoy, all the same! It was such a wonderfully fun fic to write.
> 
> Thanks everyone for reading, and you can find me [@alainey_lee](https://twitter.com/alainey_lee) on twitter, as always!


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